Talk is Cheap

Advice is something given by lessons won and lost

Usually by people who have experienced life and death at a high cost

Measure a man by not what he has or where he calls home

But by the company he has and keeps in touch by contacting them by phone

Communication to me has cheapened and dulled

Texting, emailing and twittering are all methods that should be culled

If you want to know how someone is and you truly care

Then pick up the phone if you dare

Call them speak to them no matters the price

Or do what others do and text and be like mice

Become small and insignificant in the lives of your friends

And awake one day to discover that it's too late to make amends

Whatever happened to taking the time to write a letter or note

I bet your grandparents would often tell of their stories being transported by boat

This is the new 21st century the great communication age

With time we do our talking in a way that sends our grandparents with rage

I was taught the old ways to love protect and to think

These days if someone makes an error in life they make amends by buying everything but the kitchen sink

What women want v Online Dating

There was a movie with Mel Gibson a few years ago whereby a guy gets the power to read women's minds and thereby using this power was able to ascertain what women want and therefore become a really powerful tool in the art of business and seduction.

If only it was that easy.

But if I may conclude - what women want is to not meet their one true love online but face to face in the street, not in a bar, nightclub or club true love is never found there but in a scenario, at a coffee shop, a museum or a park. 

What on earth has happened to all the men in this world that they are reduced to chatting up women online? 

Where have all the real men gone? Why have they all suddenly become too afraid to just approach a woman in public and strike up a conversation? Surely that would be much easier quicker and less painless than creating an online dating profile, messaging a woman, spending weeks talking to her, swapping numbers and then asking her out to find there is no spark.

How disheartening.

Now I know in my last few blogs I slammed online dating but I recently experimented on it and concluded after three weeks to disable my profile.

What a waste of time. A site I looked at whilst I researched this topic brazenly stated the below:

Online dating is free, it is easy to use, and it is filled with girls who lack the funds, the seriousness, or the intelligence to realise that every other dating site offers them better prospects for a guy who wants a long-term relationship. In other words, it’s perfect. The girls are pre-selected for some combination of stupidity, desperation and sluttiness. Not a great place to find a wife but a prime hunting ground for the man looking to play some catch and release.'

Case closed.

If you are woman reading this you don't need the site to find the person you are looking for and guys for the love of Pete throw caution to the wind and date without the assistance of a dating site.

Leave our security services alone

This morning after waking up I popped to the bathroom, switched on the light, brushed my teeth and got dressed ready to head out. The lights didn't fail to come on and the water ran freely.

The streets were quiet, people were walking their dogs, parents and their children were heading out to the park, another chap was washing his car, a few people jogged past me it was in essence a typical winter morning. 

I popped into Starbucks as I have always done these past four years and ordered my Peppermint Hot Chocolate and settled down to read the papers that were consumed with nothing but violence and uprisings, murders and those seeking a

democracy being snatched from their beds in the middle of the night never to be seen again. Journalists were going missing too.

So who ensures our way of life, who has no doubt saved us a dozen times over without reward or thanks, who should be left alone and not pursued because the people or albeit be it a political agenda dictates the level of questions directed at them?

Leave our security services alone - they are in my mind and without doubt the best security services on the planet and I for one was personally angered and dissolutioned as to how the top three from MI6, MI5 and GCHQ were summoned to a hearing like naughty school children. 

Who are we to judge?

The media storm that followed that CIA chap who ran off with secrets, or the Wikipedia leaks served no good purpose. I personally didn't care. Anyone who reveals secrets and posts them online in my opinion deserves everything they get. The people that do this are terrorists and threaten our way of life as this CIA chap must have signed a secrets act of some kind and when he decided to break it he knew what he was doing and what did he reveal? That our phones and emails were being monitored by the security services? Was this such a shock? Facebook a site which encourages you to tell the whole world or your network of friends your thoughts, desires and wishes, to tell the world where you are going to be and what time you are going to be there and if you were a security force why spend money on tracking someone down when you can just look on their social media site to see where a person of interest will be, what their likes are, where they are from, what books they like to read - I'm sorry guys if we are stupid enough to post our most private and intimates desires online then who are we to moan and complain when that data is used by the intelligence services to ascertain your level of threat?

The irony of course in all of this is that the free press in this country were allowed at will to stir up empathy within the public domain which they wouldn't be allowed to do in another country for fear of reprisal from their government or army.

Our security services shouldn't have to answer to anyone - and for anyone who says that's a dangerous thing to say then I would ask what good will come from them being lambasted in a public arena, to reveal their actions, tactics and skills in a public domain - no one should need to know it's not our concern. Who cares what they do as long as they protect our way of life. 

If I could I would send them a box of chocolates from one grateful citizen to an organisation that ensures that I get to live my life without fear or reprisal I would.

The clue is in the name of their organisation. 

Security Intelligence.

When it goes right, we love them, when it goes wrong we hate them and question them, their methods and ask them to attend a meeting for the public good, but I doubt any Tom, Dick or Harry could just waltz into take a position there.

No doubt the brightest and best minds are protecting us and I hear the pay isn't exactly thrilling so why do they do it?

I would like to think they do it for the love of their country and their is no higher reason.

So leave them alone. 

Please.  

I like helping people but...

I have to ask their permission first.  There is nothing worse than thinking you can help someone without asking them if they need help.  They have to want it and to accept it otherwise if you brazenly just start without asking you will probably end up having a huge fall out and everyone quickly forgets the original sentiment of why you started to worry and care for someone in the first place.

In this instance - I would like to talk about my housemate.

I have been living with him now for about 6 months, but when he first moved in we were of course relative strangers, but over time and after living with someone  and seeing them day after day, you begin to open up to one another about each other and you begin to learn about that person.

What I learnt very early on is that as a New Zealander he was only going to be here for 2 years (don't even get me started on the laws of immigration in this country!) and he was out of work. But as an Accountant the future was not only bright but lucrative also. He had dreams of using the UK as a springboard to visit Europe but of course this could only be achieved if he had money coming in rather than going out.

In addition to that he also had strong feelings towards a girl, who mixed in the same social scene as he did and all attempts thus far by him were constantly being thwarted too woo her.

Lastly, he also possessed a slight stammer - he's a big guy, with a big heart but his stammer came into effect when he was nervous and this reared itself in his interviews.

So after approximately 4 weeks of living with the guy, being invited to his birthday and meeting his friends and this girl that he was besotted with, feeling his pain at not landing a job despite an influx of interviews and the frustration he was showing at all of this I asked him:

'Would you like me to help you?'

He said yes, and this is what unfolded.

I told him quite plainly to ditch the girl - she clearly had no feelings for him and if she did she had a funny way of showing it. She wasn't responding to his text messages and was making his life even more miserable than it should be. She had some of his possessions too and after I took control of his phone and texting the items that had been kept for what felt like an eternity were returned immediately.

Then despite what I said about my earlier post with regards to online dating - I got him set up on a dating site and dating again. I asked him for some pictures of himself, practically wrote his profile and even got involved with the texting of these women on his phone as he had no idea how to do it himself. He started dating other women - who appreciated him and the first date ended with a kiss....apparently. Now the little bugger has changed the password to his dating profile and is dating women left right and centre.

My young Padawan was growing up and clearly didn't trust me! :)

On the work front I told him to take in a broadsheet, The Times, The Financial Times or The Telegraph with him into the interview - compliment the interviewers, tell them they have a nice tie or watch and be honest at the start about your stammer. Don't hide it from them otherwise the pressure to keep it locked away will only backfire.

We then finally went shopping together and I got him some new clothes that most importantly he felt comfortable in.

About 6 weeks ago - he landed his first job - on contract and the bugger is earning more money than me!

I of course asked his permission if I could post this - he agreed as long a I kept him anonymous.

Helping people is not only rewarding but can be great fun too.

Darwin in Action

When I was 8 years old my Primary School in London invited a group of Police Officers to the school to teach us how to cross the road.

Stop. Look. Listen. Then Cross. Four phrases drilled into us to stop us from injuring ourselves. We even had a short role play!

Does anyone recall the Hedgehog Adverts?

Fast forward 20 years and with the birth of the mobile phone and headphones the average Joe on London's streets treats the Zebra Crossing as their right to use it whenever they want and all cars, bikes and trucks no matter their speed must stop for THEM.

Walking through London streets let alone cycling is an absolute nightmare - can you please look up from you phone and just look where you are going?!?!

The best part is when they walk into you - it's your fault. They look at us as if to say 'Why didn't you move out my way?'

This came to a head this morning when a commuter tapping into their phone walked straight across a Zebra crossing without looking and nearly got taken out by a lorry.

I know all drivers need to at times predict the future but its not only the life of the person crossing the road at risk but also in some cases the livelihood of the man behind the wheel too.

Just another observation of my morning into work.

Riots in London - Arm our Police

Why aren't all Police armed? 

The argument of course is escalation - once you start arming all Police then all the criminals will start arming themselves - but here's the thing, aren't they already?

The riots in London actually terrified me and I think anyone else who says otherwise would be lying to themselves.

There was an uneasy calm across the London during the riots, parks were empty, businesses especially on Hatton Garden closed down and then they called in their own private security who were brought in to not only be a deterrent, given the size and stature of the guards, but they gave a clear warning to any trouble makers - 'if you come and cause trouble in Hatton Garden beware of a big surprise' 

That got me thinking - the businesses in Hatton Garden clearly had no faith in the Police to keep their businesses and livelihoods safe. The diamond business after all is worth millions of pounds and of course they can afford the extra security - but what about elsewhere? 

Everyone else were left to the mercy of looters and stupid news reporters creating the news by going on air and stating things like...'currently there are no Police in Clapham Junction...' - does anyone remember that? It was either a tweet or a broadcast I can't recall but what sensible broadcaster with any sense states something like that to millions of people....?!?! Maybe it was because he was bored and needed something to report on and be a part of the action he instigated in the first place!

All the looters were cowards - powerful in groups but not on their own. As with all bullies.

Our Emergency Response Teams in my opinion are the best in the world - and personally I would rather like to keep them all safe - we owe them that much. 

I'd rather hear a news report about 200 rioters shot dead rather than a Police officer.

Arm our Police. 

Please.

The only way to move on from a relationship...

is to delete all traces of the person who broke your heart. These days, that's easier said than done. This isn't 1984 - we can't just walk away from someone and be done with it.

Why? The glorious world of social media.

Whether it be a friend or an ex partner, cutting off from someone is practically impossible but achievable. We just have to remember the reason why we broke off from them in the first place and to remember how you felt at the time you called it a day.  Remember that - and no matter what you experienced together, just remember how you felt at the end. There is after all a reason why you didn't work out. In fact while you still feel that way, delete their number, texts messages, your call lists and then the tricky part - call your friends and tell them that you have split from your partner and ask them to remove the person from their Facebook friends list.

It's all about damage limitation - everything has an echo, just by looking at it we are reminded of a memory, a moment when you and your partner were happy and together and bought it - whether it be  a picture, a plant, a piece of clothing, a book, a cushion or even something as silly as something in the fridge.

Pack it in a bag and throw it all out.

Move on and be happy - but this cannot be achieved if you hold onto mementos. There's nothing worse than calling a ex after a few drinks and then regretting it in the morning.

'The power in all relationships lies with the person who cares less' - a phrase said by the character Connor Mead in the movie Ghosts of Girlfriend Past.

In truth - power lies with those who you have just contacted because you couldn't let them go.

All we require for you to do now is a little test....

A few of my friends are looking for work elsewhere, despite some of them holding highly paid jobs in the city.

However one topic which seems to be populating our lunchtime discussions is the amount of testing a prospective employer can asking a prospective employee to do before a decision is made on whether to offer them employment or not.

What seems to bug them the most is that these are all chaps in their late 30's who have worked in a specific field since leaving university, who have travelled the globe, who have attained pay rises and acclaim and their CV's are spectacular so why after all of this does a prospective employer then ask for the candidate to complete some tests?

Surely their CV and the fact that they have beaten just about everyone else to the post to just get an interview is merit enough?

Who created these tests in the first place? My friends have told me that the people that hand you these tests are sickly 'so proud of them' and in most circumstances the test that my friends have been asked to complete bear no resemblance to the role that they are applying for!

So who is the bigger idiot here? The one doing the test so they can get the job or the idiots at a company who think its suitable to ask a candidate to complete a series of tests that will bear no resemblance on the role once they get it.

3 out of the 5 of my friends walked away from testing scenarios, but they are all employed, they have nothing to lose, and those that have been out of work for months will probably not only do the test but also jump through a few hoops while reciting a Queen song.

An unlicensed death in London

Every mode of transport that I can think of has a license or requires an exam or training to be taken to use it; planes, cars, motorbikes, ships, trains so why not bicycles?

Put another way - if you asked the average Joe today, this morning, that instead of wearing his usual clothes (his suit for example or uniform), he should instead put on a racing outfit, something with stripes on and a helmet do you think that this would change the way he would drive, fly the mode of transport he has selected?

I am clearly steering you, the reader in one defined logical answer - the way someone dresses is an indication of how they ride their bicycle.

That being said has anyone stopped to see how many cyclists especially in London wear lycra, space age sunglasses and are riding a sporty bicycle?

These chaps are cycling into work - they are not taking part in a bicycle race but because they dress that way they act in that way too.

But they aren't the only ones that are causing concern. I have been cycling in London for 8 years without incident and this morning I witnessed no less than 7 collisions - all down to cyclist error and hesitance - turning without looking, indicating without looking, accelerating onto a light that just turned green and cutting up a Ducati (that cyclist was an idiot), taking the inside of a bus on a corner, squeezing between buses.

Take your headphones out!!! Wear a helmet!

We need a license for all cyclists to keep the inexperienced and dangerous off the road before any more near deaths occur  At this present time any Tom Dick and Harry can buy a bike and join the commute on London's busy streets and that in my opinion is a danger to us all.

Why aren't cyclist's licensed?

Online Dating - Social Experimenting Gone Wrong

'Hey Man - so sorry to hear about you and your girl not working out, it was such a shame to hear - you looked so happy together...hey come to think of it, why don't you try online dating...?'

'Er....no.'

Online dating, in my opinion was brought into the world to enable people who were too busy to find their match or date someone - or quite simply those looking to 'link up with no strings' and get busy.

Only a few problems with that.

Human's by nature are attracted to looks and appeal - rather than more importantly a persons character and clearly this can't be measured online. So unless you have a six pack, have a photo of yourself on a beach in Tahiti and have a picture showing you holding a bottle of Grey Goose in some awful nightclub then you have no chance.

Then there's the chance of actually meeting someone. A girl friend of mine joined a site that shall not be named. The site upon completion asked her to load some images of herself which she did and within 5 minutes she had 64 messages! Bam!! She like so many of us were advised by friends to 'loosen up' and give online dating a go and when she did she got hit with so many messages it became a nightmare.

She called me up and decided to tell me about it - so I popped over to see if it was true.

By the time I arrived that evening her message count had risen to 354!



30% of them just said 'Hi' or  'How are you'
40% of them asked her for Sex
10% of them had no photo
20% of them started with a 'Hello Sara, Jackie, Lauren....' So in essence the wrong name.

and 98% of them didn't even know how to type.

And somehow in this pile of detritus my friend is meant to find her match, her one true love? So I decided to run a quick one week experiment. My friend and I created two female profiles. We of course asked our friends if we could use their photos and after a bottle of red the deal was done.

Guess what we found? The messages received by my friend, the exact same messages received were also sent to us. They had been copied and pasted rehashed and sent on. We then modified the preferences - blocked and deleted all the messages and guess what? No one passed the test. The inbox fell silent.

Then a few days later and thanks to some awful market research and the plugging of countless news reports I heard how the numbers of single men and women are on the rise. Usually this news is delivered between two horrific stories to add that extra punch. Is that a bad thing? Does that automatically mean that all you singletons are lonely and have to join a dating site to find your match?

How did our parents and grandparents do it? They met each other. They had a story to tell. They made time for one another. They fell in love. Romance blossomed and we were the result and most of us all love hearing about it, as it reminds us that perhaps the same could happen to us...

There are plenty of sites out there that prey on those who are looking for love, looking for someone and this capitalist world, you have to usually pay through the nose to get it. Several of these free dating sites ask you to pay a subscriptions and in my opinion this is wrong.

We do not need online dating sites to find love or romance or someone we want to be with - we just have to find the confidence within ourselves to talk to the girl we have always fancied, to compliment them on how fantastic they look and make them smile - let them see what a great guy you are and there and then ask her out for lunch or a quick drink.

Dating sites and those on it looking for love are in my opinion in a constant cycle of destruction - those who join it in my opinion are not looking for love, and when they find that diamond in the rough they are constantly reminded in the back of their mind that they have a 100 other people who have messaged them asking to meet up.

The constant desire to feel needed by the many not by the one is not the way we find our match.

Manners and Common Decency

Where have all the well mannered men gone?

Call me old fashioned but at the grand old age of 30, the manners drilled into me as a young boy have stuck with me. It what defines me as an individual but of late the manners I possess have not been received as well as I would like by my peers, although they do not say anything out loud, it has to be said that in some circumstances when I show my manners they look a little confused and almost seem to be a bit put out by it. For example last night in a bar I stood up from my seat when a woman walked into the room and I stood to shake her hand and greet her. I could almost feel the darting eyes from not only my peers but the rest of the bar; 'he didn't just stand up for her did he?'

What gets on my wick the most are those men who fail to allow a woman through a door first or at least hold the door open for someone who is approaching. How about answering or fiddling about with a phone on a date? Eating and speaking with your mouth full, not looking at someone when you are speaking to them or the most incredulous - text speaking! 

Who is responsible for the decline in attitudes towards being graceful and well mannered? The obvious answer is TV and culture - or behaving how our friends behave because it is cool and its easier to blend in than to stick out.

Come on people we aren't at school anymore - we are grown (and I use this term loosely) mature adults. We shouldn't be trying to fit into a group of people by changing ourselves just to be a part of the herd. 

Whilst tapping this blog out in Starbucks I have noticed a young mother with a boy in her arm - she dropped her change and no one helped her pick up her coins. 

We are all zombies.

Everyone is way too busy and self obsessed and that's a shame. 

You know what makes a city great? It's not the history, the buildings or the culture but its the people within it - that's what makes a city great and right now I can't see that being associated with London. 

English Football and the Dreams of Millions

The English Premier League is without doubt the most physically demanding game in the world. With fans spread across the globe the appeal and the power of the sport is reflected in the huge salaries that the players earn.

Now I'm not going to drone on about footballer salaries but something else entirely.

England's Word Cup Ambitions.

When Spain were crowned World and European champions it was of no surprise to me. I would estimate that 60% of the core Spanish squad play for two main teams in Spain, notably Real Madrid and Barcelona. Logically if you put a squad together that form the core of their league squad, the keepers, defenders and midfielders together in one national team of course they are going to dominate. Why? Because they have chemistry already, they are intuitive, Xavi knows where Iniesta is going to be before he even passes it onto Pedro. This creates a nightmare for the opposition because I doubt the Spanish squad shout 'pass' alerting the opposition of their intent...no...they just do it and silently! Intuition can't be taught.

It's only after recent years with the power of money in the UK game that English clubs like Chelsea and Man City have been able to lure top talent away from Spain with huge salaries with Spaniards like Mata, Navas and Silva have started to arrive on the scene, this still has not managed to dampen their efforts - in fact I would say it has improved their chances enormously as playing the Premier league they have become attuned to how the Brits play and in turn when the national squad is called up and they face England they become instrumental in our destruction.

So how do we get England to win a World Cup?

Copy Spain.

In fact can anyone name an English Squad player in another top division that has lasted - and no Barton doesn't count.

The truth of the matter is until we get some of our chaps playing abroad we will never win anything of any importance. 

I cannot foresee the Sheiks or the Abramovich's investing in a team that is entirely British or whereby the British talent is a dominant force in the squad and not a spent one. Chelsea literally has the old guard, Terry, Cole, Lampard, Cahill and few others but they aren't playing regular first team football. Liverpool has Gerrard, Man City has Milner, Richards and Hart, Hart has done well to keep his first team place but everyone is getting old - we can't keep putting out the old guard and hope for success - perhaps Wenger is into something with Jenkinson, Gibbs, Wilshire, Walcott and Chamberlain but even then injuries play a part.

In an ideal world I would like to see everyone over the age of 29 get sold and young British talent pushed through the squad - get Ince's from Blackpool, Lansbury from Nottingham Forest, Ched Evans from Sheffield Utd, Snodgass from Leeds, Zaha is in already with Man Utd, Lallana from Southampton how many more should I list?! 

Unfortunately talent is one thing but money is something else entirely too. Are English players too boring for the top flight? The highlight reel of goals from the Championship always seem to be more amazing that the Premier league. Are big money investors drawn in by big names - ironically those names have got big because of their international credentials -will ticket numbers dwindle if an Englishman is playing instead of a highly rated striker from Brazil?

I am not naive. Sponsorship rules the game. It used to be player talent - I guess sometimes it still is but when the chaps in the Championship are bought by premier clubs they will be just warming the subs bench and not actually playing.

Social Media v Physical Action

Has social media and its tools turned as all into Zombies?

It's seems everything nowadays is filtered and pushed through social media to get the word out. Granted - it's cheap and easy and requires little effort to reach a wider audience but whatever happened to getting off ones bottom and physically making a difference?

In my opinion people don't get any sense of passion or pride from an author who posts a social media feed about a particular topic. Why? Because the creator of said feed has no 'umph' behind them - they have literally just tapped it into their laptop, iPad or phone without any effort and in a way they have just said 'Hey look at me everybody I give a damn about this and this is why I have liked it or posted a picture about it aren't I a good citizen'

Well if you really cared about something, if you really believed in something - why don't you get off your bottom and do something about it. People respond much better to physical interactions - it's why politicians still knock on our doors every election - they want us to see that they truly believe in something even if half the time they don't do anything about it!

People can't see or feel passion electronically. Perhaps that's why street fundraisers are so successful - well they must be despite what I feel is an almost public disgust towards them. A student dressed in the colours of the charity thrusting a piece of paper followed up by some cleverly written words created and thought up by some whizz kid to make even the busiest of commuters feel as though they can make a change by donating £10 a month to help endangered tigers or whatever it is that is being peddled..

I wonder what will lay in store for us in time to come - will we all be zombies. We are nearly there already. Spot how many people are glued to their iPhones, Kindles, IPads or other gadgets on the train into work. How many are actually reading a newspaper or talking to their fellow commuter...

If this is becoming an ages where we rely solely on electronic devices to be our primary forms of communication then count me out.