I like helping people but...

I have to ask their permission first.  There is nothing worse than thinking you can help someone without asking them if they need help.  They have to want it and to accept it otherwise if you brazenly just start without asking you will probably end up having a huge fall out and everyone quickly forgets the original sentiment of why you started to worry and care for someone in the first place.

In this instance - I would like to talk about my housemate.

I have been living with him now for about 6 months, but when he first moved in we were of course relative strangers, but over time and after living with someone  and seeing them day after day, you begin to open up to one another about each other and you begin to learn about that person.

What I learnt very early on is that as a New Zealander he was only going to be here for 2 years (don't even get me started on the laws of immigration in this country!) and he was out of work. But as an Accountant the future was not only bright but lucrative also. He had dreams of using the UK as a springboard to visit Europe but of course this could only be achieved if he had money coming in rather than going out.

In addition to that he also had strong feelings towards a girl, who mixed in the same social scene as he did and all attempts thus far by him were constantly being thwarted too woo her.

Lastly, he also possessed a slight stammer - he's a big guy, with a big heart but his stammer came into effect when he was nervous and this reared itself in his interviews.

So after approximately 4 weeks of living with the guy, being invited to his birthday and meeting his friends and this girl that he was besotted with, feeling his pain at not landing a job despite an influx of interviews and the frustration he was showing at all of this I asked him:

'Would you like me to help you?'

He said yes, and this is what unfolded.

I told him quite plainly to ditch the girl - she clearly had no feelings for him and if she did she had a funny way of showing it. She wasn't responding to his text messages and was making his life even more miserable than it should be. She had some of his possessions too and after I took control of his phone and texting the items that had been kept for what felt like an eternity were returned immediately.

Then despite what I said about my earlier post with regards to online dating - I got him set up on a dating site and dating again. I asked him for some pictures of himself, practically wrote his profile and even got involved with the texting of these women on his phone as he had no idea how to do it himself. He started dating other women - who appreciated him and the first date ended with a kiss....apparently. Now the little bugger has changed the password to his dating profile and is dating women left right and centre.

My young Padawan was growing up and clearly didn't trust me! :)

On the work front I told him to take in a broadsheet, The Times, The Financial Times or The Telegraph with him into the interview - compliment the interviewers, tell them they have a nice tie or watch and be honest at the start about your stammer. Don't hide it from them otherwise the pressure to keep it locked away will only backfire.

We then finally went shopping together and I got him some new clothes that most importantly he felt comfortable in.

About 6 weeks ago - he landed his first job - on contract and the bugger is earning more money than me!

I of course asked his permission if I could post this - he agreed as long a I kept him anonymous.

Helping people is not only rewarding but can be great fun too.